I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
