the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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