Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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