U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
