Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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