I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
