I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
