I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
