Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize