You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
