This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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