Too much gin, very little bucket
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
