It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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