idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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