honey bunches of taint.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
