just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
