Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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