I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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