Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
