He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
