i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He kissed a someone with a penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Text me some of your sweat
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
