Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
