I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
