You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
