you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
