tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
