im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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