S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
