Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
