Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
