covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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