My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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