i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
