I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
