Three words: puerto rican gang bang
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
