Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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