I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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