if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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