Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
