i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
