Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This house was built for laser tag.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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