Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
