This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You need Xanax blowdarts
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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