So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
