mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
