My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
