I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
