I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just high enough for therapy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
