Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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