At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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