i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
