Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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