No, you can still breathe under the balls.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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