I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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