I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
