Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
