11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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