Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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