Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize