my phone needs a breathalizer
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You are a genius and a whore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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