apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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