on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
