im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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